Name: Ursula H

Age: 37

Graduated from Elan School: 1989

What circumstances brought you to Elan?
Behavior problems in school and at home.

What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
My relationship with my parents was almost non-existent prior to Elan due to the fact that I had been adopted at the age of 8 and had already been in over 30 foster homes.  It was just very hard for me to connect with them and feel that I was really a part of their family.  Going to Elan taught me how to understand why I reacted to certain things and why I was so angry.  I gained a better understanding of myself and how to gain control over my emotions.  My relationship with my mother (as my father passed away back in 1990 - just one year after I graduated) is an extremely close one today. She respects the person that I have become and she is actually proud of the way we interact overall. I think having the ability to look deep within yourself and really dissecting the root of the problem, will allow you to face yourself when it seems that you yourself can be your own deterrent. I love my family…it’s the single most important part of my life and who I am!

How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
Being at Elan was a safe haven for me…I never really belonged anywhere and I found acceptance there. I learned to like myself and others while I was there. I learned that I actually possessed the necessary tools needed to be successful in this world….and the ability to accept responsibility for my own actions. My favorite staff member-mentor (may God rest his beautiful spirit) was Ralph Maldonado. He was so encouraging and constantly reiterated to me that being a minority was a blessing because it forced us to work that much harder to gain respect from others.  Also within that process, we learned just how much strength we have as individuals. He told me that I was a determined young lady and that he knew that no matter how far I went in life that I would go until I couldn’t go anymore. He knew that I wouldn’t give in. I have lived my life almost to the exact…I am very dedicated and determined to succeed at whatever I do-through God’s grace.

How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
I am proud to say that I was a student/resident at Elan. Elan changed my life. Elan brought out of me what no one else was allowed to see-and that was the real me.   I tell everyone that I went to this exquisite boarding school in Maine. Elan is and always will be very dear to me in many ways. The friendships, good and bad, the accountability, the acknowledgement that even though I was a handful-there were many hands still available. Elan was structured the way it needed to be at that time. I was rewarded for genuine effort and scolded for lack of effort. As a mother, that works for me!!!

Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
Well, I wandered for some time after Elan, trying to find a place to fit in.  I made some bad decisions, had my daughter when I was 19 and struggled for some time-all of which groomed me to be the person I am today.  I eventually moved back to the mid-west and found my place in Columbus Ohio where I have been for almost 16 years.  Being an adolescent was a very confusing time, I really didn’t know why I did the things I did.   As an adult, I know that the lessons I learned during those times were very instrumental for me in becoming a valuable asset to society.

What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
I learned that I should never forget my past so I can remember how far I have come. I learned to analyze things on a deeper level and I learned how to express myself and to be truthful to myself.

What is your fondest memory of your time here?
The relationships I built there. The sense of belonging and understanding. I will never forget the sports, swimming, field trips, and the accomplishments that I made.  Joe Ricci hired me during my last few months at Elan to work in the office and even offered me the job once I graduated, which I declined.  I really needed to find my own way, on my own terms. I appreciated learning that I was in control of my destiny…how true that was!

What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
Tough love is very difficult when it comes to your child, but you only get so many chances to get it right.  You can never fail unless you fail to try. My mother sending me to Elan was the best thing she could have ever done for me. I knew it then (even with my resistance at times).  During our teen-age years, we don’t what is best for us, we haven’t really lived yet. We rely on our parents to know what it would take to give us a fighting chance at surviving in this very difficult world. My advice would be to love your child enough to know that they need most what they are most inclined to resist and that is change. Take the effort to help change the thought process of your child and believe that the probability of change in the behavior will be imminent.

What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
Take a deep breath…nothing good comes easy. Take the good with the bad. Be proud of the opportunity you have been given. As an adult, bad decisions don’t just go away, you are held accountable for every error in judgement that you make. It’s important to learn how to make clear, concise decisions based on rational rather than irrational thinking. These are the tools you will learn at Elan. Learn your strengths and weaknesses and you will be better equipped at enforcing those strengths and controlling if not eliminating the weaknesses.

Do you still think about Elan?
ALL THE TIME!!!!!! Elan was my home…Elan was my family, Elan was my last chance to get it right-and it worked for me, God is the creator of our destiny but we make the decisions on whether we choose what he has for us.

Elan is a topic of conversation that I have with my 2 children, Gabrielle (18) and Bryden (6) all the time.  I am grateful for having had a place like Elan and the caring compassionate mentors they placed within that establishment. It didn’t always seem fair, but that was also a reflection on how life really is.  Once you leave Elan, there really are no surprises.  Life takes you on a ride-you determine where you want to go!

Where is your Elan Diploma?
I have my diploma on my dresser in my bedroom, but my plaque is in my mother’s home in Florida to remind her that her efforts were not in vain.

Is there anything else you'd like to add?
“Reach high, the best is always kept upon life’s top most shelf
We have to stand on tiptoe- stretch our small self-centered selves
We have to look above our heads to where our hearts can see
If we would like that finer life we’d like our lives to be
We have to mount our old mistakes and try and try again
If we want to even reach life’s finer moments now and then
Reach high the best is always kept upon life’s top most shelf
But not beyond our reach, if we would reach beyond ourselves!”

Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?

Elan is a unique program, and that uniqueness makes it more effective than most other residential facilities. Not only did it help Ursula to understand the relationship between her behaviors and their consequences, therefore teaching her to anticipate consequences before taking action.  It also brought out her best abilities academically. In the school setting, she was finally able to live up to her potential. The time Ursula spent at Elan helped her to mature, to know that she was an intelligent, capable person, and to form good relationships. Even though she made many mistakes in the years following her stay at Elan, she never settled for less than she knew she was capable of. It is also important to mention that she really loved the program, has fond memories of being there, and has repeatedly stated that it was one of the best things we did for her.

Today, so many good residential programs have shut down because of lack of funds, leaving only the programs for either severely delinquent or seriously mentally ill adolescents. It is very important to get information about the Elan program to as many professionals and parents as possible.

Ulrike (Rikki) Harris Jones.