From a Parent of a Graduate to a Parent of a New Student - sent 7/15/2010 Welcome to Elan! As everyone will tell you the first few months are the hardest. The unsettling mix of anxiety and relief, getting used to the foreign language - Elanese, adjusting to the ups and downs your child experiences, learning to tolerate a lack of communication with your child, and feeling you have given up control - are some of the things I experienced as a new Elan Mom. I initially found it to be an intense emotional roller coaster ride that eventually transitioned into longer and longer areas of plateau - as my daughter started to learn how to deal more competently with her anxieties and frustrations, and as I started to realize her emotional state was her responsibility not mine.
Right now my daughter is working as a Unit Leader at a Girls Scout Camp - loving it and applying many of the hard-earned tools she learned at Elan. She starts college this fall. If anyone had told me this was a possibility two and a half years ago when my husband and I dropped off our angry, drug addicted daughter at Elan, I would have thought them totally delusional. Is she "cured"? No. Is her personality different than when she entered Elan? No. She is still her funny, bright, quirky self with all the strengths and weaknesses. The difference is Elan offered her the structure to realize and own the best in herself. Elan also provided a safe platform in which to express and examine the worst within herself. While those fears don't disappear, she has a set of tools and strategies that have been internalized and which she is now putting into action in the real world.
While the Elan process doesn't change, every child's journey through it is different and every family must learn to make adjustments. One thing I know to be true, Elan never gave up on my daughter - and believe me she fought long and hard. I couldn't have found a better place. Although "the place" may be lacking in luxuries, Elan is really the priceless commitment and experience the staff gives to each child. My husband and I know we owe our daughter's life to their care, honesty, and expertise.
I wish your family the best and hope you work through this struggle. While I don't mean to be presumptuous, I believe I have experienced some of your pain and sense of loss, and therefore offer some advice:
- be very pro-active in communicating with staff, and trust their counsel. What they say is not easy, but it can pay off big time for your child and your relationship with your child.
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| It was the day after Christmas 2006 when my wife and I arrived at Elan with our 18-year-old daughter M, our only child. We were hoping the school would agree to take her in and praying she would agree to stay. M had just spent four weeks in a drug rehabilitation program in upstate New York, her second stint in that type of well-appointed facility. The program there had done little to convince M that she should stay away from drugs even though she had been hospitalized on two separate occasions because of overdoses. The people M had been hanging around with were drug users and petty thieves and she was engaging in sexually risky behavior. We simply could not take any more of her abusive behavior at home. Our daughter was in danger of dying or going to jail, unless she could find a safe place that offered strong, firm structure. Our family received a great Christmas present when the staff at Elan agreed to give M the opportunity to attend the school, even though she was 18 and could sign herself out. We had told our daughter she had two choices: go to Elan or go live in a homeless shelter. It was not an easy journey coming to that decision but we’d been living in Hell for two years; enough was enough. M wisely chose Elan, agreeing to stay for just one year. As we drove down Range Hill Road heading home, my wife and I opened the car windows and literally shouted with relief. During the first six months of her stay at Elan, M argued and behaved like a child. It was a roller coaster ride, but gradually she started to change. M was able to start changing because she got firm, persistent and wise guidance from the Elan staff, as well daily challenges in peer groups where she was forced to talk truthfully about her emotions, particularly her fears. As the one-year anniversary approached, my wife and I dreaded the possibility that M would leave the safety of Elan. But amazingly, she decided to stay another year. During the second year, M continued to grow emotionally, developing a greater understanding of what it means to be responsible to both herself and those around her. She started distance running again, a sport she had given up for drugs. She worked hard at school at night and took college courses. Her job-related duties at the school grew and became more complex, demanding more responsibility and leadership. M’s self esteem began to return. She still fought with her inner demons, but she couldn’t deny that Elan had gotten her back on a positive path. During that second year, M got frustrated at times, talked about leaving, and she was angry at the end of that period when we asked her to stay another five months. But she somehow did it. And those last few months have proven critical to her growth. M completed an Elan graduation after emotional growth that saw her reach the level of Coordinator and take college courses off the Elan campus. M will be attending a four-year college this Fall. In the mean time, she was able to land a job as a counselor at a summer camp, no mean feat in this tight job market. M has come a long way, lifting herself out of the darkness and into the light. She had wonderful guidance from Elan’s experienced staff. People who have been there for decades and know how to handle troubled teens with sensitivity, strength and intelligence. We are simply in awe of them. While we are not naïve enough to believe that Elan is an absolute cure, we know there is not a more committed, caring staff of people willing to go the distance for your child. M still has a long road ahead of her in life, with bumps along the way. But she is better skilled to handle emotional setbacks because of all the work she has done at Elan. An Elan Father, June 2010
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Several years ago I visited Elan; not as my first choice for my sons’ school but as the last. I visited several schools, each with drastically different philosophies. After several minutes I knew that this school was like no other. I saw it as a beehive with much motion, noise, rhythmic chatter, energy, direction and purpose. Like a beehive there appeared to be a lot of loud buzzing and angry bees, but upon further observation, there was a clear sense of purpose and cohesion. I knew that this was the only place for Alec.
At that time I knew that Alec’s future looked bleak. I also felt that we did not have a future also. I felt that everything I worked so hard for was for not. In short, our family was in despair. As I toured the school and talked to the kids, they shared stories of their Pre-Elan lives, why they were at Elan and their goals for the future. The key phrase was their goals for the future! They each had a future! That was it! They had a positive future ahead of them. They were focused, aware, positive and determined to succeed. Wow, I thought, They were telling me of their goal of going to
college. They had a knowing awareness and self-assurance that I could only dream my son would have someday.
Now almost three years later, I’m picking up my son to start his new life. With diploma in hand, Alec will be starting anew with confidence, hope in his heart and promise for success.
Since Elan, Alec now has a future. He applied at and was accepted to four colleges and will be attending college in September. He has received not only a great high school education; he has received a real life education that has given him tools to use in real world situations. Al has learned responsibility, self-reliance, self-correction, proper behavior, organization, and most important insight and self-awareness to help him determine the right path to success.
This was a process and as we all know Alec’s process and pathway to enlightenment was never easy to traverse. Alec owes his future to Elan. Our family owes our future to Elan, because without Elan, we would not have a future filled with hope, love and potential successes.
I like to thank Dr. Sapan for accepting Alec into the program and for all his guidance. I like to thank Connie Kimball for her caring and understanding she showed us during Alec’s entrance to Elan and throughout my several visits. Thanks for providing the tissues. I like to thank Kate Hawkins for her pivotal percentage phone call which gave me a needed ray of hope during our darkest days and for all her continual guidance. I like to thank Jeff Gottlieb for his fatherly guidance. Jeff was the dad I should have been. I especially like to thank Cathy Sherburne for her care, guidance, love and direction she provided Alec. Cathy did all the heavy lifting and showed Alec how to be a good man. You will always be in my heart. I’d also like to apologize to Cathy for being a complaining, annoying, pain in my behind and for the gray hairs I know Alec caused her on many, many occasions. I’d like to also thank the many other caring staff for all the guidance they provided during Alec’s time at Elan.
Most of all I’d like to thank you all for your love, because you do not get paid enough to do this job!! You do it because you love it and at the end of the day or in Alec’s case at the end of the thirty-three months you can know you truly made a difference, not only for the student but for our family as well.
I’d like to thank Frank McDermott and the Education staff for providing Alec an excellent education. Alec learned the love of learning at Elan. Which I hope he will build upon in college. I’d also like to thank finance department for all their help and detailed billing and tax letters. “Thanks Bev! Lastly I’d like to thank the always helpful operators, you’re the unsung heroes of the Elan staff.
What else can I say but thank you for giving us back our life.
With much appreciation.
Bob & Laurie
5/28/2009
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| Letter to Ms. Sharon Terry, Executive Director August 13, 2008 Dear Ms. Terry: I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude and appreciation to several staff of Elan School: From the moment I walked through the front door of the Elan School, I was greeted cheerfully by Connie Kimball. Connie was able to excude a sense of calmness and heartfelt concern for the emotional grief we parents are feeling at that moment. Dressing casual, being candid, smiling and reassuring are the perfect qualities that Connie possessed during the admission process (and subsequent visits) that says" ... it's ok...our child will be ok...we've made the right decision to be at Elan". Kate Hawkins and Jerry Sapan have additionally played key roles in nurturing and grooming our son through difficult times.. Their abiity to be compassionate while delivering reasonableness and reality checks into discussions have provided a well-rounded support team at Elan. In academics, Meg Waters has been invaluable in the direct administration of our son's educational needs and support with district meetings. We credit the dedication and devotion of Sarah Poulin to our son's success in achieving many skills that were previously unobtainable for him. Her constant reassurance and steadfast persistence in stategies and overcoming learning disabilities have been monumental in our son's academic growth and emotional growth. As his academic success grew, so too did his self-confidence. In sports, Pete Rowe led by example and demanded a high level of integrity and teamwork in the athletic field. Sports played an important role in the ongoing development of our son's positive self-image. Coach Rowe is tactfully demanding while exuding camaraderie while coaching and pushing for high standards both in sports and within themselves. Lastly, we have the pleasure of knowing Jeffrey Gottlieb. To summarize the respect and admiration we have for this man into a few sentences is difficult. His experience with the Elan School and its students over the years has been invaluable in guiding our son. In no uncertain terms, our son's emotional stability, social responsibiity and core competency development are credited to Jeffrey's persistence and passion to make a difference; he has never given up hope...even in the face of us parents getting weaker and worn down. He has not only addressed our son's new found ability to fall-down and get back up with confidence and press onward...Jeffrey has been able to coach us as parents with as much persistence and compassion. Please thank all the staff and peers that play such important roles - their efforts are truly appreciated and will never be forgotten. Sincerely, Karen Collichio
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Hi. My name is Joy (Brown) Meredith. I was a student at Elan from 1974-76. Elan saved my life. It was very challenging, but the life lessons I learned there have always stayed with me. I have taught them to my children and now to my grandchildren. Joe Ricci was a visionary.
I am now a very active community leader in Palm Springs CA. My store, Crystal Fantasy, incorporates a lot of what I learned; Act As If, It All Comes out in the Wash, What Goes Around Comes Around, so much more. These are the things we share with our customers as well. Elan taught me what I needed to become a valuable community member. I learned to speak before a group and that was the precursor if the many times I have addressed city council and more in my area.
I am currently a business owner, President of Main Street Palm Springs, Palm Springs Police Advisory member, Palm Springs Tourism Advisory member, Parks and Recreation Commissioner.
Thank you, Elan.
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My wife and I thought the program at Elan was extremely beneficial for our daughter Karen. The program was a tough program and we trusted the staff and supported them throughout the three years Karen was at Elan. The staff was always committed to Karen's progress and there was very little turnover in staff while Karen was at Elan which added to continuity in the program.
Karen learned practical life skills and she is now able to face challenges in her life by drawing on the skills she has learned at Elan. Karen was also able to increase her self confidence through the Cross Country program at Elan. Karen continues to visit the school at least once a year and has run cross country with the team. Karen was able to earn her high school diploma and she was prepared for college and she is currently a senior at Southern Illinois University in the primary grades teaching program.
We have our daughter back thanks to God and the hard work by all the staff and teachers at Elan. We thank all those who had a hand in shaping our daughter while she was at Elan.
Yours Truly,
Gregg M – Karen’s Dad
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Elan is a unique program, and that uniqueness makes it more effective than most other residential facilities. Not only did it help Ursula to understand the relationship between her behaviors and their consequences, therefore teaching her to anticipate consequences before taking action. It also brought out her best abilities academically. In the school setting, she was finally able to live up to her potential. The time Ursula spent at Elan helped her to mature, to know that she was an intelligent, capable person, and to form good relationships. Even though she made many mistakes in the years following her stay at Elan, she never settled for less than she knew she was capable of. It is also important to mention that she really loved the program, has fond memories of being there, and has repeatedly stated that it was one of the best things we did for her.
Today, so many good residential programs have shut down because of lack of funds, leaving only the programs for either severely delinquent or seriously mentally ill adolescents. It is very important to get information about the Elan program to as many professionals and parents as possible.
Ulrike (Rikki) Harris Jones.
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May 4, 2006 Dear Ms. Terry: In our business we often hear more complaints than compliments, even though we strive to do our best. For this reason, I believe that when a job is well-done, it should receive the credit it deserves. It is important to me for you to know how grateful Jill and I are for your staff's hard work in helping our son Jordan over the past year and a half. In particular, Dave McVety has been outstanding. He has always been available to us, promptly returns calls and has taken a keen interest in Jordan and our family. I also want to compliment Dave on his last written progress not following a very emotional visit where Jordan reconnected with his younger brothers for the first time in over 18 months. His progress note was through, well written, articulate and heartfelt. Thank you for sharing Dave with Jordan and our family. Sincerely, Gregg Alan Stone
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| Mandy had Some Issues Mandy had some issues, her parents didn't know. Everywhere that Mandy went, her issues were sure to go. They followed her to school each day, which was against the rule. It made the teachers old and gray to have such issues in school. Mandy traveled to the south; her issues came along. Mandy went to Tennessee; her issues there grew strong. Mandy returned to Holliston, her issues led the way. Mandy and her issues fought throughout the day. One day her parents asked her, Mandy what makes you so mad? "It's my issues and their consequence that cause me to be bad." In final desperation, her parents sent her to Elan. To see their daughter happy was the ultimate plan. Mandy met her issues and listened to what they had to say. Then Mandy confronted those issues and made them go away. Now, Mandy has no issues that haven't been resolved. A whole new life for Mandy, with Elan's help has evolved. Mandy has some hope and dreams, that will lead her through her life. She now has strength and confidence to handle every strife.
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For Meghan (at graduation)
Just a few years ago my heart was broken,
Between you and I few words were spoken,
The little girl I loved I feared I had lost,
Emotionally we both paid a pretty big cost.
We saw every expert and talked to the best,
Tried every cure and took every test,
Just when I was ready to give up and quit,
We found Elan, it was a perfect fit.
When you first arrived here it was a bit of a shock,
It didn't fit in with your pre-planned clock.
But we're all very thankful you took it to heart,
You embraced the program and found a new start.
For the next few years you blossomed and grew
I saw the potential of what you could do.
I'm very impressed with what you've achieved.
The sky is the limit I truly believe.
You should take great pride in what you have done,
You faced a great challenge - You fought it and won.
You took full advantage of the opportunity you had,
I've never been prouder to say I'm your Dad.
All My Love,
Dad
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Letter dated 7/26/06 to Kate Hawkins, LMSW at Elan: Dear Kate, I just spent two weeks with my son Terry. This is the first time he has been home since he left for Elan in April of 2004. When he left, there truly was nowhere to go. He was failing high school, heavily using drugs and our close relationship was buried under his depression, emotional pain and rebellion against authority. We sent him to you with a heavy heart and prayers that healing might occur. Maine was a long way from New Mexico and those guilt letters were so painful. It was difficult to trust, or believe. He stayed in rebellion for so long and there were times I lost hope. In the dark times you were there for me and for Terry. They say that which doesn't kill you makes you strong. What a fine, strong, caring man Terry has become. he shows a deep compassion for other people as well as insight and wisdom. He was able to dialogue about the lessons he learned at Elan. Many he will carry with him for the rest of his life. Terry has a job now. He is enrolled in the local community college and graduated from the Elan School with honors. He has developed a sense of self that allows himi to relax and appreciate the people around him. He was helpful, caring, giving and showed integrity in the choices he made. Thank you for the care, patience and skill the Elan staff demonstrated. I am proud of the fine man my son has become. I can never express the depth and nature of the gratitude I feel. In praise and thanks to you all, Sincerely, Karen Wheeler
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Dear Missy,
Due to my strong aversion to any type of public speaking, at Rebecca's graduation I did not properly thank you for all you have done for both Rebecca, Susan and myself. During Rebecca's roller coaster ride at Elan, over the almost three years she was there, as parents sometimes we questioned whether we made the right choice. However we never doubted your commitment to Rebecca. Looking at Rebecca at her graduation, a smiling, confident successful college student, we know now that bringing Rebecca to Elan on August 18, 2000 was most definitely the best decision we could have made.
Missy, by sticking with Rebecca while others might have given up, you turned a young women's life completely around. We know it was not easy, and at times emotionally draining, but when you looked at Rebecca at graduation you must of felt a significant amount of gratification knowing that you were a major integral part of saving this young woman's life.
We will always remember the times you made yourself available to us, either speaking to us from your home, car or from Elan, giving us both good and not so good news. But always being supportive.
You have touch Rebecca deeply and I believe you will always be a part of her life. For turning her life around, we will be forever grateful.
Sincerely,
Richard and Susan Cohen
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